The things I learn, as I learn them
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Walking away isn’t always about backing down
It can be about playing for space, getting some perspective, taking heat out the situation, buying time or allowing a second look. Those who make it about engaging only now or not at all aren’t serious about a good outcome. They’re serious about using pressure to their advantage.
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Not my circus, not my monkeys
I love this saying, and often feel the urge to wheel it out. But when I do, I often realise that I’m avoiding the hard, but necessary work of rounding up the monkeys and putting them back in the cage. They may not be my monkeys, but they’re throwing sh*t around and one of them…
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Responding > Reacting
Reactions are reflex actions triggered by stimulus. They’re automatic and happen with great alacrity, but not a lot of thought. Reactions are slower for sure, but they are more deliberate and considered. Reactions are triggered, responses are decided. In complex and volatile situations we almost always want responses, not reactions. When there are many variables…
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Find a rhythm, not a rut
We crave habit, regularity and consistency. And for good reason. Habits allow us to automate good behaviours and leverage muscle memory. They help us achieve a state of unconscious competence with practices that we want to engage in regularly. But every behaviour turns dark when taken to the extreme and our habits are no exception. …
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Correct decisions don’t guarantee a desired outcome…
…and a good outcome doesn’t mean we did the right thing. Conflating our decisions and our outcomes is a dangerous game as it can lead us to make terrible choices. In the words or Gary Karsparov: “Losing can persuade you to change what doesn’t need to be changed and winning can convince you everything is…
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Listening for the whispers
Not everything we want to know is shouted from the rooftops. Sometimes learning will require us to be quiet and listen to secrets softly spoken. We spend a lot of time in our own personal broadcast mode and sometimes forget to tune into the quiet frequencies of feedback which are all around us. What have…
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Rest is better than injury
Sometimes rest isn’t what we want, but it’s what we need. It might mean we don’t make the progress we want, but it’s better than backsliding due to pushing too hard and getting into injury territory.
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Getting on a roll
Everything is harder from a standing start. The status quo has no motion. But when we make tiny gains, we build momentum which we can use to fuel bigger and bolder moves. If we can string enough moves together we can get “on a roll” where the effort to move from one point to the…
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Making critical items unforgettable
Something may be important, but that doesn’t guarantee we’ll remember it. Sometimes the most critical items fall through the cracks in our process and thinking. Anniversaries, medication, promises – all easy to agree to and easy to forget. If we want to ensure that these things are never forgotten, then we need to build them…
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It doesn’t need to be an umbrella…
…but we need something to keep the rain off. I tend to dislike umbrellas because other people’s umbrellas tend to get dangerously close to my eyes (just the wrong height for wet weather). This doesn’t mean that I always turn up wet, just that I employ a different rain mitigation strategy (hat, coat and waterproof…
Got any book recommendations?